


The Voyages of The Freighter La Sirena

by Talvenhenki



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: 'These are the voyages of the freighter La Sirena' and all that jazz you know, Agnes isn't a happy camper in chapter 2, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Football, Football shenanigans, Gen, He doesn't do much yet tho, Holographic friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Look I was trying to write happy stuff but it didn't work so have this instead, More comfort than hurt, Suicidal Thoughts, This is now officially a Hugh lives AU, cat shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23311603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvenhenki/pseuds/Talvenhenki
Summary: I couldn't resist writing the happy La Sirena AU we all needed. So here you go, scenes from La Sirena's endless roaming of space. Will include Star Trek shenanigans when I finally get around to rewatching the original series (and all my other faves) for inspiration
Relationships: Agnes Jurati & Raffi Musiker, Agnes Jurati/Cristóbal Rios, Raffi Musiker/Seven of Nine
Comments: 79
Kudos: 107





	1. I'm not really a cat person

**Author's Note:**

> Here we have Cristóbal "I'm not really a cat person" Rios getting familiar with Spot II

Cristóbal eyed the cat suspiciously. Agnes had stolen it from Coppelius when she’d heard that Elnor had never seen a cat and because she said it had been very lonely in there. In reality, Cristóbal suspected that Agnes had wanted something to hug and he couldn’t blame her for that – he’d heard her having nightmares and crying out heartbreakingly. Maybe she’d just needed some comfort, because she had been unable to ask for any.

“I’m not a cat person”, he said, trying to look annoyed. The cat looked up at him and meowed, as if it was trying to win his affections by being nice to him. Fat chance. Cristóbal would not warm to the little vermin, not now, not ever.

“Aw, don’t worry”, Agnes said, scratching the cat’s cheek, “Spot II won’t bother you. Right, sweetie? You won’t bother Captain Rios?”

Cristóbal raised an eyebrow. Agnes was cooing to the cat. Agnes. Cooing to a cat. The world had probably gone mad and forgotten to give Cristóbal a note to prepare for it because as far as he knew, Agnes Jurati did not coo to any cat ever.

“Well, since it’s synthetic, there’s a chance it won’t shed, I hope?” Cristóbal really hoped the creature didn’t shed. He was not up to finding cat hair on his clothes or on his seat or in his coffee. Yeah, definitely not in his coffee. His mother had had a dog and the bloody thing had been shedding everywhere, especially in Cristóbal’s cereal.

“Mm…I think he does”, Agnes said, looking almost apologetical.

Cristóbal shook his head, smiling fondly. He hadn’t smiled like that in years. That smile was reserved for Agnes Jurati, the woman who shouldn’t have been able to steal Cristóbal’s heart and yet he had given it up willingly. He cupped Agnes’ cheek and kissed her forehead, smiling.

“Fine, I’ll tolerate it”, he said, “but only because you like it.”

Agnes smiled and kissed Cristóbal’s cheek. She then turned around and walked away, cooing to the little beast.

\---

Large eyes were looking up at Cristóbal who was sitting on the captain’s chair. He was pointedly ignoring them, keeping his paper book between himself and the pair of eyes. He was good at ignoring things with large eyes; nothing could make him budge (minus his old shipmate Ira who had been like a little sister to him) and so the cat should be no trouble at all. Not even when it sunk its claws into Cristóbal’s trouser leg, scratching him. He could take it.

“I really am not a cat person, you know”, he said absentmindedly. “You might want to try Elnor or Raffi, not me.”

The cat meowed and jumped up on Cristóbal’s lap. It curled up, purring like a tiny engine, while Cristóbal made a face at it. He disliked having the little devil nearby. Even so, he stroked its fur.

“You know”, he said, “when I tell you I’m not a cat person, I mean it. I don’t want you sleeping on me or heaven forbid on my book. I want alone time, you see. So, could you kindly hop off my legs and sleep somewhere else?”

The cat moved and bared its stomach to Cristóbal. What a dumb animal; it was giving the enemy a point of attack. It clearly did not understand that Cristóbal was not a friend. Even though he _was_ scratching the cat’s jaw.

“Get off, little beast”, Cristóbal muttered.

The cat didn’t get off. Instead it rolled on Cristóbal’s lap, purring happily.

\---

Cristóbal woke up, hearing something shift on his bed. He opened his eyes and saw the little devil in the middle of a massive yawn. Well, to Cristóbal it looked more like the cat’s face splitting open. Right. That was totally normal behaviour for a cat, right?

“I do remember telling you I dislike cats”, he mumbled as he sat up. “How did you get in? Is this a prank Agnes is pulling on me? In that case, congratulations, Agnes. Prank successfully pulled off. Can you please stop hiding and take this beast away?”

Agnes, however, did not bounce out from any hiding place. Instead the cat let out a soft ‘mrp’ and headbutted Cristóbal’s bare side. Cristóbal made a face – he didn’t enjoy being tickled like that – and pushed the cat away.

“I don’t like being tickled”, Cristóbal muttered and stood up. He found himself a shirt and picked up his paper book before sitting down on one of his armchairs. The cat jumped on the free chair and meowed loudly.

“Oh, shut up”, Cristóbal sighed. “Emmett!”

“ _¿Qué pasó?_ ” asked the tired hologram who materialised next to Cristóbal. Cristóbal pointed at the cat and Emmett’s eyes flew open.

“Well, hello there, little one”, Emmett said, smiling, and lifted up the cat. “Emil told me Agnes brought home a cat.”

“ _No me hueí_ ”, Cristóbal muttered and rubbed his eyes. Emmett grinned and placed the cat on Cristóbal’s lap. The cat instantly began purring and rubbing its forehead against Cristóbal’s chest.

“I won’t give you any food”, Cristóbal said, petting the little menace.

\---

Cristóbal had fallen asleep at the helm, again. Spot II had taken its usual place on the captain’s lap, as if it was piloting the ship. It purred like a small engine and it looked awfully pleased with itself.

“This doesn’t add up, Agnes” Raffi said, “are you sure Chris hates cats? Doesn’t look much like a cat-hater to me.”

“Oh, yes.” Agnes smiled widely. “Terribly. He cannot stand Spot II at all.”

“…you’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“A little. Did you know that cats can tell when someone isn’t feeling good? They usually sit near the person who isn’t okay and purr to make them heal better. I think Spot II is trying to help Chris in his own way.”

“Aw, isn’t that sweet. So, how long do you reckon Chris is going to keep up that cat-hater façade?”

“I’d say forever. He likes to think he’s very tough and hates everyone, after all.”

“Amen to that.”


	2. The Suffering of Agnes Jurati

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be mostly happy but hear me out: Agnes really needs to address her suicidal thoughts and what better way than this?

Cristóbal was playing football again. It relaxed him, especially after his sleep schedule had messed itself up completely. He hadn’t slept much after telling Raffi all about Vandermeer and ibn Mājid. He had been roaming the hallways of La Sirena, spending the nights mostly at the helm, reading a paper book. He always watched the space go by, not really paying attention to the constellations. He was always so deep in his thoughts that nothing, not even Spot II could really bring him out.

Bouncing the ball against his knee, Cristóbal suddenly picked up sounds from the sickbay. Emil was talking to someone, sounding stressed – when was he not stressed, though – and was the other voice Agnes’? Cristóbal caught the ball in his hands and picked up the shirt he’d discarded to pull it on. Going in the sickbay shirtless would probably just make Emil annoyed. The poor hologram has already gone through so much because of Cristóbal.

Walking in the sickbay, Cristóbal stopped on his tracks when he understood what he was seeing. Agnes was holding a shard of glass at her throat – over an artery, Cristóbal realised – and staring at Emil who was talking softly to her. Agnes was crying, openly, but her expression was almost angry. From the way the two moved, Cristóbal guessed it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

“Agnes, please, put that down and listen to me”, Emil pleaded hastily. He was leaning forward just a little and reaching out to Agnes. “It is not the answer, my dear. You being gone will solve nothing. It may in fact complicate matters further. I want to help you, for God’s sake!”

“You’re not talking me out of it”, Agnes whispered, her whole body shaking. “Not this time. I _will_ do it and you can’t stop me.”

 _This time._ That meant there had been other times too. Cristóbal felt sick at the thought. Just how many times had Emil been in that position, trying to talk Agnes out of hurting herself? Just how much had Agnes been hurting to come to the sickbay again and again to find something she could hurt herself with?

“Bloody hell, Agnes!” Emil muttered. “You’ve come down here, every time you want to hurt yourself. That means you don’t really want to hurt yourself. That’s your plea for help! That means what you really want to do is to stop hurting and I can help you to do that. All I need is for you to give me the word. Please, Agnes, don’t do this to yourself, to _us_. Just give me that shard of glass and we can talk about this. Please!”

Cristóbal was walking behind Agnes. If he could reach her without making a sound, maybe he would be able to grab the shard before she could hurt herself. Just a few more steps and he would be able to reach her. Just a few more steps and he could possibly save her life. Just a few more steps and Agnes would be pulled to safety; she wouldn’t join Vandermeer on the list of people Cristóbal had failed.

Cristóbal grabbed the broken piece of glass faster than he’d ever thought possible. Agnes cried out, trying to get it back, but instead Cristóbal hugged her and threw the shard to Emil who hid it. Cristóbal held Agnes close as she trembled in his arms.

“Hey, it’s me”, Cristóbal whispered, “you’re safe, Agnes. I’m here, I’m right here and I’m not going away. I have you. Just lean on me, _mi corazón_ , and we’ll handle this together.”

Agnes had once said that she enjoyed the way Cristóbal spoke Spanish to her. Cristóbal began whispering sweet nothings into her ear in Spanish, hoping that it would calm her. He was trembling all over, shaken from the thought of losing Agnes.

“How long has this been going on?” Cristóbal asked quietly. He wasn’t sure if it was himself or Agnes who trembled more.

“Every bloody night since we left Coppelius”, Emil said, shaking his head. “This isn’t good for my circuits.”

“Then let me just fucking off myself!” Agnes shouted. Cristóbal could feel her tears through his shirt.

 _Every night_. She had been suffering every night and Emil hadn’t told him. Every night she and Emil had repeated the bizarre dance in which the jackpot was Agnes’ life. Every night she had been suffering and Cristóbal had known nothing of it. He hadn’t helped her at all.

What a lousy partner he was.

“Agnes”, Cristóbal said quietly, pressing a kiss on her forehead, “ _querida_. Look at me. I don’t want to lose you. I wish I had known what kind of pain you’ve been in. I could have tried to help. I could have been there for you. Please don’t shut me out.”

Agnes shook her head against Cristóbal’s chest. She was gasping for air; her crying having clogged her nose completely.

“I don’t deserve it”, she whispered breathlessly. “I’m a murderer and I think Picard still wants me to turn myself in. I hurt everyone I love; I should just be gone for good. Just let me cut open my wrists and be done with it!”

“You’ll hurt me less if you live”, Cristóbal breathed. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, but it was all he had. He couldn’t let Agnes slip away, couldn’t let her take her own life.

“Agnes?” Emil asked carefully. He placed his hand on Agnes’ shoulder and rubbed it. “I could give you a hypo for tonight. It’s a mood stabiliser and a mild sedative. It could ease your suffering just for tonight. Then we could talk tomorrow, find you a suitable treatment. I just want to cure you and so does the captain. We care about you and we’d hate to see you gone. I believe Enoch and Ian would be heartbroken; they like you very much.”

After a moment of tense silence, Agnes nodded her head. Cristóbal let out a teary laugh and squeezed Agnes’ body tighter. He hadn’t even realised he had been holding back tears before that.

Emil replicated a hypo and brought it to Agnes’ neck, depressing it. It took only a few moments for the medicine to have effect, making Agnes’ legs buckle rather suddenly. Cristóbal caught her and lifted her up effortlessly.

“ _Thank you_ ”, he whispered to Emil as he left the sickbay, carrying Agnes off.

He walked to his own quarters and placed Agnes on the bed before taking off her shoes and opening the zipper on her cute overalls. He then lay down behind Agnes, wrapping his arms around her.

“I’ve got you”, he whispered, “I love you. We’ll get you all better. Emil knows therapy programs very well; I’m certain he’ll find a good one for you. He’s never given up on his patients, I give you my word on it.”

Agnes rolled on her back, turning her face to Cristóbal. She pressed her forehead against his and drew in a shuddering breath. Tremors were still running through her body and she sniffled from time to time.

“Can we stay like this all night?” she asked. “Just the two of us? Just you holding me. Can we just pretend that I’m not a murderer and beyond redemption? Can we pretend that I wasn’t ready to destroy my greatest dream in a cruel and horrible way?”

“Anytime”, Cristóbal whispered and kissed the tip of Agnes’ nose. “But remember that I love all of you, the baggage included. I wouldn’t erase a single part of you, Agnes Jurati. I love you and I want to make you better.”

Agnes nodded and wrapped her arms around Cristóbal’s shoulders.


	3. Little Comforts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some ways in which the crew of La Sirena comfort each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I said this was gonna be a happy AU but I'm definitely unhappy at this moment so all I could do was a chapter of some comforts when others are feeling down. Life is shit but we can fight it together, right?

_Agnes and Soji_

“I had a nightmare.”

Agnes looked up from her oatmeal. She and Soji had started to have their breakfasts together because apparently, they were the only two people on La Sirena who cared enough to actually have a breakfast. Emil had said that the crew was an absolute disaster and he’d been right. Agnes wondered if she’d even seen the others eating. At least Soji, and Elnor sometimes, were smart enough to have a breakfast.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Agnes asked. She studied Soji’s face for signs of distress. Her lower lip was trembling, and she wouldn’t look at Agnes, staring forward instead.

“You were in it”, Soji muttered. Agnes waited for her to continue, afraid to hear what she’d done in Soji’s dream. “We were in some kind of trouble and you were trying to help me. Captain Rios was in it too. The bad guys, I think they shot him. Then they came at us and you jumped between me and them. I woke up before they could hurt you, but I was so scared! I felt so helpless!”

Agnes grabbed Soji’s hand and squeezed it twice. Then she squeezed it twice more, this time each squeeze was a little longer. Soji looked up at Agnes, recognising the Morse code she was using. After Oh’s intrusive mind-meld, Agnes had lost her ability to reassure and comfort people vocally as well as to speak about her feelings and she’d taught herself Morse to be able to help the others.

_I’m here._

Soji smiled and hugged Agnes. Agnes patted Soji’s back and squeezed her shoulder, giving her another message.

_You’re safe here. You’re not helpless._

Soji smiled and hugged Agnes a little bit tighter. “Thank you”, she whispered.

* * *

_Seven and Raffi_

Raffi had good days and bad days. She was still trying to manage herself without snakeleaf and sometimes it all was impossible for her. She would shake and tremble and beg for alcohol to numb the edges, but she’d made Seven and the other promise that under no circumstances were they to give her another sip of any alcoholic beverage. That was usually when she’d shut everyone else out and hide in the room that she now shared with Seven.

“Hey”, Seven said and sat next to Raffi who was crouching at the corner between the bed and the wall. She was hugging herself and trembling and Seven was fairly certain she could hear an occasional sniffle.

“I got you some coffee, Raf”, Seven said. She knew full well the coffee would be cold by the time Raffi felt good enough to drink it, but Raffi had told her that it was the thought that counted more than the actual coffee.

“Raf, love”, Seven breathed, placing her hand against Raffi’s back, “I’m here. I’m here, right here with you. You’re not alone.”

Raffi let out a shuddering breath and curled even tighter into herself. She was trembling violently and seeing it broke Seven’s heart. She began tracing little flower patterns against Raffi’s back, and humming some song she’d heard god knows how long ago. She had no idea if it helped at all, but at least Raffi didn’t tremble as violently as before. That ought to count for something, Seven reckoned.

“You know, I could get you some hot chocolate”, Seven whispered, “when you feel all better. With whipped cream and marshmallows. We could have hot chocolate and stay up. Have a little girl’s night. Sounds good?”

Raffi leaned against Seven’s shoulder and sighed.

* * *

_Cristóbal and Agnes (with Elnor and Spot)_

It was one of _those_ evenings. The evenings when Agnes couldn’t stop pacing, when her chest hurt and when she looked like only a touch could shatter her. Cristóbal didn’t know how to help her, how to make her feel better when she was like that. She hadn’t been able to sit still for an hour. She’d been pacing around the ship and Emil had activated next to her a dozen times. Every time he had asked about her psychiatric emergency, she’d cried out in frustration and deactivated him.

Cristóbal was following her movements from where he was sitting on the captain’s chair, accompanied by Elnor. They were both frowning, seeing how distraught Agnes was.

“Agnes is in pain”, Elnor muttered, uncharacteristically quiet. “How can we give her help?”

“I don’t know”, Cristóbal confessed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with Agnes and I know she can’t tell us because whatever Oh did to her mind, it rendered her incapable of speaking up about her feelings. Which I need her to do to help her.”

“That is frustrating”, Elnor said. Silence descended upon them once more, only to be broken by Emil’s inquiry about Agnes’ psychiatric emergency and Agnes’ frustrated cry.

Unable to take it any longer, Cristóbal walked over to Agnes who was rubbing her chest after having deactivated Emil once again. She was shaking and Cristóbal could almost hear her heart drumming inside her chest. He placed his hand on her shoulder, scaring her.

“It’s me”, he whispered. “I’m here.”

Cristóbal cupped Agnes’ cheek and she leaned into the touch, closing her eyes. Her eyes were full of tears and they began falling as she closed her eyes. Cristóbal decided that that was enough and scooped Agnes up, carrying her to the bridge where he sat down on the captain’s chair and held Agnes on his lap.

“Hush now, Agnes”, Cristóbal whispered as Agnes began to sob, “it’s alright. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I’m here and I won’t let anything bad happen to you as long as I can prevent it.”

Cristóbal noticed that Elnor was gone as he began to run his fingers through Agnes’ hair and massaging her scalp. Perhaps the kid had been too uncomfortable with the sudden outburst of emotion. Cristóbal couldn’t really blame him for that. The boy was so young and could barely handle his own emotions; no one had any business getting mad at not helping others.

Soon Cristóbal noticed movement and found that in addition to Agnes, he had a lapful of Spot II. Elnor was standing next to the captain’s chair, looking rather nervous and a little bit guilty.

“Agnes told me that cats purr when they want to help others to get better”, Elnor explained, “so I thought maybe Spot II could help. He often purrs next to me when I’m feeling lonely.”

“Thanks, kid”, Cristóbal said softly before moving his attention back to comforting Agnes. He kissed Agnes’ forehead and scratched the purring cat.

* * *

_Soji and Elnor_

Soji had noticed that Elnor was alone a lot. It was like he didn’t quite fit in, didn’t quite know who he was to the others. He was younger that everyone, save for Soji herself, and maybe he felt like he wasn’t taken seriously enough. Which was, Soji thought, very stupid because the kid could best everyone in combat, save Soji, probably.

That time Soji caught Elnor brooding by the transporter platform. She stood in front of him for a full minute, trying to think of how to make him feel better. She didn’t know why he’d gotten angry, but she wanted to help, to make him feel better.

“Let’s dance”, she said suddenly. Elnor looked up, confused, and she tilted her head.

“I don’t know how to dance.”

“Neither do I. Let’s learn together.”

Soji pulled Elnor up and instructed him how to place his hands. Then they tried the steps slowly, repeating them for some time. They then moved to trying to do a full circle waltzing and failed catastrophically when they messed up a step and tripped over each other’s legs.

“I’m so sorry”, Soji laughed, trying to sit up to check if Elnor had been hurt. “Are you okay? Not hurt anywhere?”

Elnor was laughing as well, in fact, he was laughing so hard that he couldn’t answer. He was on his back, cackling almost madly. When Soji looked at him, she realised that she hadn’t seen him laugh like that ever. Perhaps she had succeeded after all.

“How are you feeling?” she asked after he had calmed down. Elnor grinned at her as he sat up and she tilted her head again.

“Much better. Thank you, Soji.”

* * *

_Seven and Emmett_

Some days were easier and some not. After Icheb’s death, Seven sometimes felt hollow, like a lake with no water to fill it. Sometimes even Raffi’s hugs and sweet words weren’t enough to fill the gap left by the one Seven had called her son.

Seven found herself at the mess hall, having replicated some hot chocolate for herself. Everyone else was sleeping and Enoch was piloting the ship. Seven felt like she was truly alone at that moment, with no one else awake.

“ _¡Madre mía!_ ” someone exclaimed behind Seven. She turned around and she saw the tired-looking hologram – Emmett – who mostly spoke Spanish with the captain. “ _¿_ _Qué hace acá_ _?_ Why aren’t you sleeping like the others?”

“Couldn’t”, Seven muttered as the hologram sat down on the other side of the table and looked at her. “I lost someone…he was like a son to me and I’m missing him a lot right now. I didn’t want to sleep feeling like this.”

The hologram looked sad for a moment and then shook his head. “ _Ay_ , that sounds terrible”, he said. “I have no son or daughter so I can’t say I know how it feels. I’m sorry. How old was he?”

“Too young”, Seven said. That was probably how every mother who lost her son felt. That her son had been too young to go, too young to suffer like that.

Seven drank a little from her cup of hot chocolate. She almost hoped it would burn her mouth, that she could feel something other than hollowness and infinite sadness. She hoped that she could feel whole again, that she wouldn’t miss Icheb so terribly.

Emmett sighed and frowned. “Has the captain ever told you about the time he had a little run-in with some ferengi?” he asked.

“Ferengi?” Seven asked, chuckling. “No, he hasn’t said a word about it. What happened?”

Emmett began telling a rather animated tale of Captain Cristóbal Rios’ daring escape from the ferengi who had originally hired him to transport some goods but refused to pay and instead threw Rios into a cell. Seven was certain Emmett exaggerated some (or perhaps most) details but she enjoyed the tale, nonetheless. It made her feel better, lighter even, and actually had her laughing a bit. When Emmett finally finished, Seven had downed two more hot chocolates.

“Thank you, Emmett”, Seven said as she stood up to return to her and Raffi’s room. “You’re a treasure among holograms. Keep up the good work.”

Emmett grinned and winked at Seven before deactivating.


	4. Of a Certain Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rios is teaching Soji to play football. Raffi thinks about Rios, relationships, and life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was _originally_ inspired by Enigma_TM's idea of Rios adopting Soji. Well I ran wild and this evolved into my favourite kind of story; philosophy and searching for answers in space. I regret nothing because I finally got to write Seven and Raffi have a nice conversation.

Rios was, well, Rios. A grumpy ex-officer who was old enough to be Soji’s dad – or at least an uncle, but since she was only three, Raffi guessed anyone would be old enough to be her uncle. JL could be her grandfather, though, or maybe great-grandfather. She couldn’t stop smiling at the thought, so she hid her face behind her cup of coffee. Couldn’t have Rios thinking she was laughing at him while he was teaching Soji how to play football – not that American abomination – like the pro he’d been as a kid. Raffi often wondered why the pull of the stars had been stronger than the game for Rios.

“What’s got you smiling like that?”

Seven had walked on the bridge. She was smiling fondly at Raffi as she leaned on the comms console next to Raffi who had claimed the chair. Raffi was almost blinded for a moment, seeing how happy and like herself Seven looked wearing that old sweater of hers.

“Those two”, Raffi said, nodding towards Rios and Soji who were playing football. “Rios looks so much happier than before. And a bit dad-like. Do you think he’ll adopt the girl or something?”

Seven was about to answer but whatever she said was drowned by Rios’ cheer filling the whole ship. Soji had finally scored a point – a goal? Raffi wasn’t too sure of the terminology – and apparently the whole ship needed to know. Seven cheered as well, not even half as loud as Rios had, and waved at Soji who was giggling.

“I think he likes to adopt strays”, Seven said when Rios and Soji continued their game. “I mean, he’s letting us hitch a ride for free. He’s together with the little doctor who, even on a good day, doesn’t seem to feel quite right. I bet he’s already signed the official papers. I hope he hasn’t adopted the Romulan as well, I kind of want him to be our family.”

Raffi laughed. To think that Seven was already thinking of adopting Elnor. She was right, in a way. Raffi had known Rios long enough to know that he helped people and absolutely hated to see others be sad. Well, anyone else than him. He always tried to comfort Raffi in his own brotherly way and to make sure that everyone was alright. Seven was right; Rios liked to adopt strays and try to make them happy.

“He probably decided that JL can’t be trusted to raise a child”, Raffi said, holding Seven’s hand, “and he’s kind of right. Not that he or Agnes would be much better – they’re both very broken – but maybe he believes that if he manages to do even one thing right to Soji, it absolves him from Jana’s death. I don’t know. Maybe he’s just protective.”

Seven nodded. “He sure is protective towards the little doctor. Why is that?”

Why indeed? It wasn’t like Agnes had many redeeming qualities. She had killed Bruce, had helped the Romulans to tail them, and had planned to kill Soji. She had almost killed herself which almost broke Rios’ heart. She probably reminded him of Vandermeer more than he let on. So why, why was he in love with her when she was like that? Why did he allow her to hurt him again and again?

It was probably the same reason why they chose to trust Elnor, a Romulan. No group was completely evil and as far as Raffi was concerned, that applied to people as well. Agnes wasn’t evil, just brainwashed, and Rios really did like strays. There probably was some redeeming quality to her that Raffi hadn’t got to see yet.

“He’s in love”, Raffi said, “that idiot’s fallen in love with a woman who murdered her ex. Crazy, huh?”

Seven hummed, deep in thought. Raffi stole a quick glance at her, marvelling at the stories her eyes could tell.

“I don’t think it’s crazy”, Seven said after a moment, still staring at Rios and Soji’s game. “He’s probably a lot like us; trying to find his happiness. And I don’t think Agnes is a murderer. I killed my ex too, remember? If anyone’s a murderer, it’s me, not her.”

Right, Raffi hadn’t remembered that. She’d heard just enough to know what had happened to Bjayzl, but she’d been rather preoccupied by matters regarding her own son to realise that Seven had been together with the woman who’d held Bruce Maddox captive. It kind of put the whole Agnes thing into perspective. Maybe Maddox had hurt Agnes as well. It wasn’t like Raffi knew everything about her.

“Yeah”, Raffi agreed, after a moment. “It’s just, I’ve known him for years now and I’ve never seen him in love. Not like that. He adopts strays all the time – there was a kid on ibn Mājid who was basically a younger sibling to him – but he never loses his head like he did when he heard Agnes was in coma. Never. I wonder what else I’ve managed to miss.”

“You could ask”, Seven said, smiling fondly at Raffi. She rubbed Raffi’s shoulder for a bit, untying a few knots.

She was right. Raffi and Rios weren’t known for their ability to talk unless one was having a breakdown, but it didn’t mean that Raffi couldn’t try to change it. Perhaps she could try to ask when Rios wasn’t teaching Soji to play – Raffi didn’t want to get hit by the ball – and they’d have some privacy. Maybe in the holosuite. Yes, that sounded like a plan.

“Raf! Seven! Come here!”

Rios’ call shook Raffi out of her thoughts. She stood up and followed Seven to the back of the ship, thinking that she should tread as carefully as possible to avoid whatever was coming next.

“We need your help”, Rios said, wiping some sweat off his brow. “Could the two of you form a team and play against us? It’s kind of difficult to play one-on-one football. Better to have a team.”

“Sure!” Seven grinned. “I’ve been wanting to have a match against you.”

“Well, it’s you and Raffi against me and Captain Rios”, Soji explained. “Should be fair since I’m not very good at this and you’ve probably had more time to learn. Since I’m only three years old, after all.”

Raffi had a feeling she wasn’t going to enjoy the game as much as the others, but joined it anyway.


	5. Como No Tenemos Lágrimas (As We Have No Tears)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmett is not feeling well. The others step in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on my headcanon that Emmett inherited Cris's depression and most memories related to Vandermeer and Jana and he constantly tries to sleep it off. Sometimes it gets bad and the others step in.
> 
> (No Mr. Hospitality in this one - I don't quite know how to write him)

Ian knew the signs of things going really bad. He knew the sighs, the overcast looks, the slowly movements. He knew to look for sleepiness and apathy. He knew the signs, but he had no way to help those who suffered because all Ian knew was fixing machines, not people. He could keep _La Sirena_ in prime condition but helping his friends when they suffered…he had no knowledge of how to do that. Emil had all knowledge of that subject, which was good, considering how often he was fixing broken people.

Ian approached the hunched figure sitting at the edge of _La Sirena’s_ higher level. He sat down next to Emmett whose legs were hanging over the mess hall – well, it wasn’t much of a mess hall. Just some cold metallic benches and tables. Ian leaned on the railing, mirroring Emmett’s position and looked at him.

Emmett’s hair was obscuring most of his face, but Ian could see his eyes. The eyes that were full of regret that wasn’t even Emmett’s own. The regret and sadness that sometimes consumed all of Emmett.

“How’s it going?” Ian asked softly, although he knew the answer already.

Emmett sighed. “ _Mal_ ”, he whispered, shaking his head. “ _No puedo comprender como me siento si mal. Soy un programa; no una persona. ¿Cómo puedo sentirme si mal?_ ” (Bad. I can’t understand how I feel this bad. I’m a program; not a person. How can I be feeling this bad?)

Ian knew it was bad if Emmett didn’t even bother to speak in English. Usually he could translate his mind and thoughts to the Federation Standard language but sometimes even that was too much. Not that it mattered – all of the holograms understood Spanish since they were a part of Captain Rios. Well, all except Mr. Hospitality.

“Come ‘ere buddy”, Ian muttered and swung his arm around Emmett’s shoulders. Emmett sighed and leaned all his weight on Ian in a much too familiar way. Ian offhandedly wondered how many times they’d repeated this script.

“It’s not your fault, buddy”, Ian said, “it’s never your fault. You inherited the most vulnerable part of our captain; the part he wants to hide. And yet, despite all your suffering, you continue to help the others. I ken how you comfort our little doctor sometimes, and how you respond to the captain’s panic. I’ve seen you talking to Miss Seven too. You’re a good person, maybe the best of us all.”

Emmett hugged Ian rather abruptly. He clung onto Ian, gripping his holographic knitted sweater and leaning on him. Ian returned the hug, knowing how it was one of the few things that actually helped Emmett.

Ian wished he could take away the pain Emmett experienced. It was unfair that Emmett had to be the only one suffering for the captain’s past losses. In fact, Ian had almost attempted to erase the pain a few times – he was an engineer, after all, he’d be able to do it – but he’d stopped himself before actually doing it. He didn’t know if erasing the pain Emmett felt would also erase his personality. And so, he settled to comforting Emmett every time he was having a hard time.

The air next to Ian and Emmett buzzed as another one of the holograms activated. Enoch’s comfort commands had seemed to malfunction a little, as of late. Ian made sure to remember that for when he’d be doing some command centre maintenance. Enoch’s circuits had probably overheated again and fused together.

“Emmett?” Enoch asked. “Is it one o’ those nights again?”

Emmett sighed again and nodded lazily. He was still in Ian’s embrace and it looked like he wasn’t going to let go any time soon. Enoch sat down next to his two friends and looked sadly at Emmett.

“ _La pequeña doctora me ha dicho que cuando llora, se siente mejor_ ”, Emmett whispered. Enoch and Ian shared a worried look between each other. “ _Pero somos programas. No sabemos llorar; no tenemos lágrimas._ ” (The little doctor told me that she feels better when she cries. But we’re programs. We can’t cry; we don’t have tears.)

“I might have something that can make you feel better”, Enoch whispered as he hugged Emmett from behind. “Let’s go down to the sickbay and activate Emil. You know he’s the best cushion out of us holograms.”

“Aye”, Ian agreed and helped Emmett to stand up while still loosely hugging him. “I reckon he’s been hoarding that blanket I knitted. How about we surprise him with a little cuddle pile?”

Emmett nodded a little shakily and followed Ian while Enoch tailed the two. They made sure Emmett didn’t do anything stupid – not that he could, but they were still worried. Seeing how the captain disregarded his own health made them worry for Emmett’s. They weren’t sure if Emmett had inherited that part of the captain as well.

“Hello, dear computer!” Enoch called as they entered the sickbay. “Please activate the EMH.”

Emil fluttered into existence and took only one look at Emmett before hugging him. “Bloody hell”, he muttered as Emmett leaned his head against his shoulder and sighed. “This is so unfair. Ian, can you get the cushions from the closet? And Enoch, the blanket, please.”

Ian and Enoch sprung into action, gathering everything they needed and piling them up in the corner like they’d done many times before. Soon after, there was a perfect pile of cushions on which the four holograms could pile themselves and comfort Emmett. Emil sat down first, and Ian guided Emmett down to lean on Emil. Enoch then sat down on one side and Ian on the other and they spread the blanket evenly over all of them, and then hugged Emil and Emmett.

Emmett sighed and snuggled closer to Emil. Ian and Enoch shuffled closer too and closed their eyes. They could only hope that what they were doing would bring some comfort to Emmett. He was, after all, always there for the others, so the least they could do was to be there for him.

Some hours later they were found by Soji who had been unable to sleep. She smile at the sight and dimmed the lights so the holograms could sleep easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and ideas for future chapters are appreciated, loved, and adopted!


	6. Fondness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A morning of cuddling turns into a family meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really wanted to write something about Agnes.
> 
> Also this is now officially a Hugh lives AU

Agnes was extremely comfortable. She hadn’t slept as well as the previous night for weeks. Between Coppelius and spilling the beans about her own betrayal, she hadn’t exactly had much time with Cristóbal. The short moments they’d managed to steal together had been too few, and Agnes had constantly missed the soft touches and the hugs they’d shared together.

Agnes snuggled closer to Cristóbal and sighed. He was still fast asleep, lucky one, and he looked more peaceful than Agnes had ever seen him. Agnes nuzzled her nose against his cheek, giggling when his beard scratched her. She couldn’t believe he was letting her stay over.

“Mm…what’s the time?” Cristóbal mumbled, clearly still half-asleep.

“ _It is 8:23AM, Captain Rios_ ”, the computer supplied.

Cristóbal opened one eye and turned to look at Agnes who was smiling at him. He grinned and turned over onto his side and hugged Agnes. She giggled when he started kissing her face, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Morning”, Agnes whispered when Cristóbal was done kissing her. He smiled widely and leaned his forehead against Agnes’.

“Morning, sunshine”, he breathed. “Sleep well?”

“Better than in weeks”, Agnes said and sighed, closing her eyes. “Whatever Emil gave me, it really helped. I feel so refreshed. I could just stay in bed and never get up. It’s so comfortable here.”

Cristóbal chuckled and propped himself to lean against his elbows as he looked at Agnes. He cupped Agnes’ cheek and gently ran his thumb against her cheekbone. She closed her eyes and covered Cristóbal’s hand with her own.

“I never thanked you”, Agnes whispered, looking up at Cristóbal, “for letting me in. I never thanked you for believing in me and for…for caring. So, thank you. I…I love you.”

Agnes had finally forced the words out. She immediately looked down, finding Cristóbal’s elbow and the little scar on it very interesting. She was blushing furiously, and her throat was sore from saying out loud the words she’d hidden inside for some time.

“I love you too, Agnes.”

Agnes looked up in time to see Cristóbal leaning over to hold her against his chest. She inhaled sharply and wrapped her arms around Cristóbal’s torso, almost clinging onto him for maximum comfort.

“You’re still terribly sad sometimes, aren’t you?” Cristóbal asked. When Agnes nodded against his chest, he sighed and said, “I’m right here. I’ve got you. I’ll stay with you so you can remember to be happy sometimes too.”

Agnes nodded again and let Cristóbal wrap his arms and the blanket around her. She felt safe in the little cocoon.

Some time later there was a knock on the door and Raffi’s voice calling for Cristóbal and Agnes to come down to the mess hall. Apparently, the holograms had called a family meeting, and everyone was expected to make an appearance. Agnes secretly wondered what was important enough to warrant _a family meeting_ – a term banned by the admiral after Elnor had used it the first time. Apparently the holograms hadn’t got the memo.

Agnes and Cristóbal got up and found some clothes to put on. Agnes decided to seize the opportunity and grab herself one of Cristóbal’s sweaters – it was large and comfortable, and it smelled of Cristóbal. Cristóbal smiled at her and pressed a kiss on her cheek.

“Let’s go see what the holograms are up to, shall we?” Cristóbal said and took Agnes’ hand in his. Together they made their way into the mess hall where everyone was smiling in a mischievous way. Well, everyone except Picard who looked disgruntled. Probably because the holograms had used the term _family meeting_. For a moment, no one said anything.

“We have been given the knowledge that today is an important day”, Elnor said suddenly.

“A very important day”, Emil agreed, nodding solemnly.

“And the day being so important, we had to assemble a family meeting”, Hugh said. “Isn’t that right, Enoch?”

“Absolutely”, said Enoch who was hiding something behind his back. “Please, everyone, take a seat. Agnes, please come here.”

Everyone sat around the tables that had been pushed together into one long table. Someone had replicated some chairs that were actually comfortable, and Agnes was directed to the best one at the head of the table. Cristóbal sat next to her, looking a bit amused.

“Now”, Ian said, clapping his hands, “it’s time to reveal the big surprise.”

“Happy birthday, Agnes!” everyone (except Picard, who was as surprised as Agnes) yelled. Raffi and Mr. Hospitality wheeled in a cake (“Don’t worry, sweetie, it’s not red velvet this time.”) and the holograms brought in a tiny pile of presents. Agnes was giggling, still rather surprised, and Cristóbal had one arm around her shoulders.

“I know things aren’t perfect right now”, Raffi said, sitting at Agnes’ side, “but we reckoned we could throw a party for you. We certainly needed a reason to party.”

Agnes nodded, blinking her eyes rapidly. She hadn’t realised her birthday had grown close and, if she was being completely honest, she wouldn’t have expected anyone to throw her a party. It was touching that the others had been thinking about her.

“I got you something”, Cristóbal whispered as the others were eating. He placed a little box on Agnes’ hands and smiled. “I got the idea when I saw the little photo wall you’ve been creating here in the mess hall. It’s an old polaroid camera I had as a kid. We can replicate more film for it and then you can take instant photos of everyone.”

“I love it”, Agnes said, laughing as she opened the box. “Is there any film left right now?”

Cristóbal nodded and Agnes lifted the camera up to take a photo of him. When the camera was finished printing the photo, Cristóbal took the camera and told Agnes and Raffi to pose for another photo.

“Aw, look at you two bonding over ancient stuff”, Raffi said after the photo was taken. “You’re disgustingly sweet, you two.”

“Agnes, come here!” Elnor called. “I also have a gift for you.”

Elnor had got a beautiful necklace for Agnes. According to him, it was a symbol of truthfulness and strength which Agnes had displayed during the time on Coppelius and before it. Agnes couldn’t help but smile at him – he was so sweet sometimes – and hug him when he started listing all the reasons why Agnes was strong in his opinion.

Soji also gave Agnes a necklace, one with orchids on it. Seven and Raffi had replicated a nice everyday dress for her, and Hugh had found her some beautiful minerals that she could use for whatever project she’d like. Ian gave her a tiny toolkit to strap on her belt, Emil some dark chocolate (“Healthy _and_ good for your mind!”), Emmett a pair of anchor-shaped earrings, Enoch an oversized sweater, and Mr. Hospitality a paper book. Picard, who had been completely unaware of Agnes’ birthday, hadn’t had time to get her anything, but he promised her a bottle of his family château’s wine.

At that moment, Agnes felt a great deal of fondness for her found family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments fuel my soul!


	7. A Tentative Friendship (Mom Friend Edition)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When others are down on a planet, Raffi and Agnes talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by regionalpancake's forehead kiss and wanted to write something fluffy for Raffi and Agnes being friends
> 
> Vague mentions of Bruce Maddox coercing Agnes to do uncomfortable things are present in this chapter, so tread lightly if it may make you uncomfortable!

“So, it’s just you and me now, Agnes”, Raffi said, leaning on the transporter console. “What do you think we should do while we wait for the others to be ready to get beamed back up?”

La Sirena was orbiting an Earth-like planet not too far from Deep Space Ten. Cristóbal had a job to do on the planet and the others wanted to do some sight-seeing. Agnes, who didn’t really enjoy the marshes that the planet was full of, had volunteered to stay on La Sirena and Raffi had decided to stay with her, knowing full well what had happened the last time Agnes had been alone on the ship. Raffi also reckoned it was a good opportunity to make sure there were no hurt feelings between them, since she hadn’t really talked about Bruce with Agnes.

Agnes, on the other hand, was a little bit terrified, but tried not to show it. “How about…playing cards? Wait, no, I don’t know any card games. Umm. I would say ‘stargazing’, but we haven’t seen anything else than stars for weeks so it might be boring. I don’t really know. Sorry.”

Raffi sighed and shook her head. It was going to be more difficult than she’d thought, all the things considered. Agnes was still terrified of her and she probably thought Raffi was going to eat her head or something as ridiculous as that.

“Agnes, sweetie”, Raffi said, patting her shoulder, “I’m not going to get mad at you or anything. I just want to see that you’re alright. We haven’t exactly talked after the whole Bruce Maddox deal. Not honestly, at least not on my part.”

“I…what?” Agnes asked, all but freezing on her tracks.

“How about we go down to the mess hall and get some cake?” Raffi suggested, rubbing her temple. “We can leave Ian on transporter duty while we relax a bit. I think we’ve earned that much, haven’t we?”

Agnes nodded and allowed Raffi to lead her down to the mess hall. They replicated some mud cake for themselves, and Agnes ordered a huge cup of hot chocolate for herself as well. Raffi reckoned she should get Agnes some chocolate for the bad days. The poor girl really needed it.

“So”, Raffi said, “Bruce Maddox. How are you holding up?”

Agnes didn’t say anything. Instead, she held her palms against the cup of steaming hot chocolate in a way Raffi could only describe as anchoring herself into the moment. After a moment, Raffi realised that the cup was probably burning Agnes’ hands. She quickly caught her hands and checked the palms – she’d been right, they were red and blistering already.

“Emil, I need a dermal regenerator here!” Raffi called. One materialised right next to her and she activated it, repairing Agnes’ palms. “Oh, Agnes, what have we done to you?” Raffi muttered.

“You didn’t do anything wrong”, Agnes whispered. She was staring at her own palms, at the blistering skin regenerating as good as new. “The grief…it comes in waves and I can’t always deal with it. And sometimes I feel glad that he’s gone. Can you imagine that Raffi? I’m _glad_ that he’s gone! What kind of a monster feels glad that a loved one has died?”

Raffi was done fixing Agnes’ palms, and, to Agnes’ surprise, she pulled her into a tight hug. She held one hand against the back of Agnes’ neck while she rubbed Agnes’ back with the other. She noticed the faint trembles going through Agnes and hated the situation. Why was Agnes the one who had to suffer from it?

“You’re not a monster, sweetie. He must have done something to you to make you so uncomfortable. What was it?”

“He…he wanted us to do things”, Agnes explained, “things that didn’t feel right to me. But I didn’t know how to say no. So, we did those things even though I didn’t want to do them. I…I used to be able to say ‘no’ but with him I just…I just couldn’t. And he…he just kept calling me ‘Aggie’, like I was his pet or something that he _owned_!”

Raffi cursed Bruce Maddox to the lowest pits of hell. No wonder Commodore Oh had been able to mentally assault Agnes – there was no other term to describe the horror she’d committed. If Bruce Maddox had manipulated and coerced Agnes, it was no wonder that she had been chosen to kill him. At that moment, Raffi hated the Zhat Vash and Bruce Maddox for what they’d done to the little doctor who had just wanted to create a new lifeform.

“Hey, sweetie”, Raffi breathed, “you’re safe with us now. Auntie Raffi is never going to let anything bad happen to you again. Got it?”

Agnes nodded shakily and Raffi pulled away from the hug. Her eyes were red, and it looked like she was stubbornly refusing to cry. _What a strong little creature she is_ , Raffi thought. She brushed Agnes’ hair behind her ears and kissed her forehead in what she hoped was a motherly way.

“Now, we’d better eat our cakes”, Raffi said and gave Agnes a soft smile. “Otherwise one of the others will arrive here and try to take them away from us. We can have seconds when all the others are back. How does that sound?”

Agnes nodded and smiled. “Sounds good. We could invite the holograms too. I’ve made some more holographic foods and drinks for them to eat. I want to know what they think of them.”

Raffi smiled proudly at Agnes. In a different world, they would have made wonderful friends. She hoped she’d met Agnes earlier, that they’d got to know each other under better circumstances. They would have had so much fun, and she’d have noticed Agnes’ odd behaviour after Commodore Oh’s mind-meld.

Agnes looked better; it was like their little talk had relaxed her. She was eating her mud cake happily, like a child being allowed to eat some sweets. No wonder Cristóbal liked her; she had such a sunny personality when she wasn’t being eaten alive by her guilt.

“You know, Agnes”, Raffi said softly, “we should totally have a sleepover. You, me, and Seven. We could watch some dumb films and talk about boys and girls and such. It would be fun.”

Agnes’ expression brightened noticeably. Her mouth was full of cake, so she couldn’t say anything, but it made Raffi laugh at her, nonetheless. Oh, she hadn’t had a good laugh like that in years.

“I haven’t had a sleepover since middle school!” Agnes exclaimed after she managed to swallow her cake. “I’d love to have one. Do you think we should invite Soji as well and make it a girls’ night? She has probably never had a sleepover.”

“You’re right”, Raffi mused. “She’s just three, after all. She definitely needs to experience a sleepover.”

They both laughed when Raffi’s comm device beeped and Cristóbal’s voice filled the mess hall. “ _Raffi, Agnes, could you two beam me up? I’m cold and miserable because of these damn marshes!_ ”

“Oops”, Agnes said and giggled. “Just a moment.”

Agnes made her way to the transporter pad and beamed Cristóbal back onto the ship. When he materialised, he was very cold indeed – he’d fallen into one of the waterier parts of the marshes and he was dripping wet. Agnes couldn’t stop herself from giggling as she helped Cristóbal down from the pad.

“I’m _never_ coming to this planet again”, he muttered and then turned to look at Agnes. “Did you have a good time with Raffi?”

“Oh, yes. She invited me to have a little sleepover with her, Seven, and Soji”, Agnes told him, smiling fondly.

“I hope it’s not tonight”, he said, gently pressing his forefinger against Agnes’ nose, “since I want to steal you all for myself. I need your warmth tonight if my soaked state is anything to go by.”

Agnes giggled again. “Yeah, yeah. Now go wash yourself and find some dry clothes.”

One soft kiss later Cristóbal was gone and Agnes making her way back to Raffi. It had been a nice day for her, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments as well as future prompts are accepted, loved, and cherished!


	8. Glitching Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rios, Ian, and a glitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've decided to try and go all Michael Giacchino on these chapter names
> 
> Inspired by cristobalrios' lovely headcanon on tumblr about how Ian skips the maintenance he should do on himself.

It had started with about one square millimetre flickering in and out of existence on Ian’s shoulder. Cristóbal hadn’t paid much attention to it at first, trusting his engineer to take care of the malfunction himself. After all, he always did such an excellent job with the others.

But days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Ian’s shoulder was still glitching, and the glitch was becoming worse every time Cristóbal saw him. Sometimes he wondered why Ian wouldn’t fix the glitch; it couldn’t be that difficult. Was Ian not noticing it, or was there something Cristóbal should have been made aware of?

One evening, after most of the crew had gone to bed, and only Soji was awake to look at the stars at the helm, Cristóbal decided to talk to Ian. Ian was working with something at the transporter pad when Cristóbal found him.

“A word, Ian”, Cristóbal said as he sat on the edge of the transporter pad. Ian looked up, raising his eyebrow.

“Is there a problem, captain?” Ian asked, continuing his maintenance work. “Have I disappointed you in some way?”

Cristóbal was taken aback by the way Ian spoke. It was almost nonchalant, almost as if he didn’t care about disappointing Cristóbal. Or was it Ian not caring about himself? Cristóbal wasn’t sure.

“No, you haven’t”, Cristóbal said, shaking his head. “I wanted to talk to you about that glitch you’ve had in your shoulder. Why haven’t you fixed it yet? Isn’t it bothering you?”

Ian tilted his head, which made him look like he was thinking. It was almost amusing, the way he mostly kept quiet, not unlike Cristóbal himself. Ian was clearly the thinking type, the sort of person who would rather relax in front of the fireplace to read a book. Cristóbal might have been like that once upon a time.

“I meant to do it when I first noticed it”, Ian explained after a moment, “but then Enoch malfunctioned, and I had to make sure he’d be alright. Then there were the Klingons and soon after we almost lost our warp core. After a while, I got used to the glitch. I suppose I’m kind of fond of it – it’s a part of me.”

“But it’s a malfunction”, Cristóbal argued. “You shouldn’t stand it.”

“Aye, but don’t you like to keep your scars as well?” Ian asked, smiling his kind smile. “Isn’t that exactly the same?”

Cristóbal couldn’t find the words to answer. Ian was right, obviously, but Cristóbal found he didn’t like the thought of Ian glitching if it could be fixed. It felt wrong; Ian had more value than that. Why couldn’t he see it?

“Or are you thinking that I should be kinder to myself than you are to yourself?”

That snapped Cristóbal out of his thoughts. He frowned as he tried to formulate an answer.

“Not necessarily kinder”, Cristóbal said slowly, “but I do wonder why you stand that glitch. I know that you’re a hologram and can’t be physically in pain, but are you sure it doesn’t bother you? It looks irritating.”

“You sound like our sweet little doctor”, Ian said, chuckling.

“ _What_?”

“She asked me if the glitch hurt”, Ian explained, “and _pleaded_ to let me fix it. She’s a kind soul, that one. It took me quite long to convince her that it doesn’t hurt. It feels almost odd that she considers us individuals unlike anyone else. We’re supposed to be just copies of you, are we not?”

Cristóbal was taken aback. Yes, Ian and the others had been copies of Cristóbal at first, but _La Sirena_ and her circuits were curious and sooner or later they’d developed personalities.

“I guess…I don’t think you’re _just_ copies”, Cristóbal mumbled, deep in thought. “I don’t think I’ve thought of you like that for a while. You started out that way, yes, but you developed intelligence the more you learnt about the world around you. I think Agnes is right. You _are_ individuals.”

Ian burst out laughing. “Good thing you came to the conclusion _after_ the ban on synthetic life was lifted”, he said between his chuckles. “Only the stars would know what would have happened to us, had someone found out you think us individuals when the ban was still there.”

Cristóbal blinked his eyes, dumbfounded. He could never have even imagined that Ian could have such a side to himself. Ian didn’t seem mischievous, not at first glance anyway, but he always had a sparkle in his eyes. Cristóbal supposed that Ian represented what he’d have been, had Cristóbal ever been presented with the chance of becoming a grandfather.

“About that glitch”, Cristóbal said after a moment of watching Ian laugh. He hadn’t even known the holograms _could_ laugh! “Will you fix it? I know it’s your body…projection…what _ever_! I know I can’t force you to fix the glitch if you don’t want to do it, but I’d feel more comfortable if you fixed it.”

“Aye, I could do that”, Ian agreed, “if you start taking care of yourself.”

Cristóbal raised an eyebrow. Was Ian…was he trying to _bargain_ with Cristóbal?

“Don’t give me that look”, Ian said, shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest. “The others are worrying _sick_ over your indifference to yourself. Emil especially. You should see how fried his circuits are. I have one condition to fixing that glitch on my shoulder and it’s ye taking care of yourself. I don’t care how you do it, but I want your word that you do take care of yourself.”

“Why do you want me to do that?” Cristóbal asked. Oddly enough, he wasn’t angry, not even irritated. He was just genuinely curious as to why Ian would want him to take care of himself.

“Because the way you’re punishing yourself is unhealthy”, Ian said, shaking his head. “We’re all worried. You’re punishing yourself for something that happened years ago, for something that you had no say to. At least think about it, captain. You know you have to start letting yourself heal again, sooner or later.”

Then, without further ado, Ian gathered his tools and walked over to Enoch who had materialised near the fences separating the higher level from the mess hall. Enoch smiled at him and poked his index finger through the glitch on Ian’s shoulder – it was already almost three inches wide. Ian sighed and gently swatted Enoch’s hand away and then turned to give Cristóbal a meaningful look.

Perhaps Cristóbal could try heeding Ian’s advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments fuel my soul!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment!! That's the best way to get me to write more :D


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